Damned! I almost killed myself

Damned! I almost killed myself

I came out of the coma. It wasn't expected. It also surprised doctors and family that I wasn't in worse physical shape. I looked like I had lost in the boxing ring - both front teeth gone, tongue twice as big, and severe bruising everywhere.

The stress of stoking my mother's life energy from the dying embers had overwhelmed me. The only thing that helped was forbidden by mom's eldest daughter: saving broken animals and loving them back to health.

As I focused against the bright hospital lights, I saw my sad, tiny mother sitting next to my growling sister. “I just became your worst enemy,” were the first words I heard her say. She stepped fully into that role and has caused immeasurable damage to my life before and since.

The kind of energy my siblings radiate towards me or anyone who challenges them is the reason I didn't want to be on this planet. It poisons people like me. Some of us cannot absorb toxic energy and remain balanced. We are writers, artists and creators from all walks of life and we co-create with the universe to bring our version of art into this world and raise the vibration.

I allow myself to become weak by focusing on other people's needs instead of my own. A better plan would be to extend care in “pads” but always withhold enough to live a healthy, balanced life.

The police officer who appeared next to my hospital bed made eye contact and said, “Can you stand?” He helped me to my feet and added, "I prefer not to handcuff you unless I have to." I knew it, but he didn't. “I didn’t have a fight anymore.” I gave up.

It's a good thing I did that because at that point I was no longer free. The first time I reached for the door handle was sobering. It wasn't there. I couldn't open it. Only a person dressed in white had the authority to let me go.

Sobriety came quickly when I learned that the “family” (my older sister) had applied for “permanent employment.” The nurse/social worker/person in white said they don't do that anymore. This is a “temporary stop to check your medications, not an incarceration,” she told me. It's nice that Sis thought so highly of my future.

“It ends here,” I said to myself. I was willing to listen to anyone who had answers. I didn't know that doctors didn't know what to do with alcoholics. They are as baffled as many drinkers are about why we do what we do to the extent that we do it.

Chemically imbalanced brains will make deadly decisions. That's my definition of insanity.

I needed Sane Sherry back. Nobody missed her more than me.

Inspired by Sherry Lynn