Autism versus sibling rivalry

Autism versus sibling rivalry

There is always tension between siblings, but when a child has a mental or physical developmental disability, this sibling rivalry can become even more pronounced. As a parent, dealing with disruptions can be stressful enough without having to worry about balancing your time between two or more children. A number of things can be done to improve relationships between brothers and sisters when one or more children have autism. However, remember that children of all ages will fight. Therefore, a time separation is also important.

First and foremost, it is important to educate your children about autism. From a young age, your children who have not been diagnosed with the disease should learn that their brother or sister has a different understanding of the world. This is especially important because after your spouse dies, your other children will most likely have power of attorney for their autistic siblings, even if they are not directly responsible for them on a day-to-day basis. It may be useful to explain this to them as they mature, but even as a child, a sense of responsibility for a sibling who needs help can create greater understanding. Let your child take care of your autistic child by learning fun educational games to play together or helping with everyday tasks like dressing and eating.

However, remember that your non-autistic child also needs a lot of care and attention. Plan a family outing that all your children can enjoy, but treat your non-autistic children to other events too. They may feel resentful because they cannot do all of the things with their family that a typical child and his or her family can do. Therefore, try to counteract this with other events. For example, your family may not be able to travel to the beach because your autistic child cannot handle the stress of sand, water, and crowds. Instead, plan a family trip to a less crowded seaside destination or, if you live close enough, a day trip to the beach while your autistic child visits Grandma or does another activity.

Remember that your non-autistic children need attention at other times of the day, not just once in a while for special occasions. Set aside some time each day to give these children your undivided attention. Think of this type of sibling rivalry as similar to the rivalry that occurs when a new child is born. Even though the new baby needs your attention the most, you can't ignore your other children. The same applies if you have an autistic child.

Finally, take advantage of programs and organizations designed to help families in difficult situations. Many groups are formed specifically for siblings of autistic children to help them deal with the stress this causes in their lives. If your child doesn't like these groups, don't force them to go, but usually these meetings are fun and inspiring.

Consider joining a family counseling group. This not only helps parents deal with the stress of raising an autistic child, but also helps autistic and non-autistic children interact peacefully with each other. When there is a level of understanding between children and between a child and his or her parents, the family can work together to help their autistic member and to help each other succeed in life.

Inspired by Rachel Evans