Help family and friends understand your child's autism

Help family and friends understand your child's autism

Here's how to explain your child's autism diagnosis to friends and family

If your child has received an autism diagnosis, you may have found it difficult at first. However, like other parents, you have undoubtedly risen to the challenge and vowed to do everything you can to help your child reach his or her true potential.

Another hurdle you'll need to overcome is explaining your child's diagnosis to your friends and family members. They also interact with your child and need to know that these interactions are different than those with people without autism. To know how your child with autism differs from other children in their life, they need to be educated. Here are some ideas to help give you this information:

Give friends and family an easy-to-understand explanation of your child's autism diagnosis

As soon as you are able, you must inform your friends and family about your child's diagnosis. Keep your explanation as simple as possible. There's a lot of information to digest, and you don't want to overwhelm it. You may have known that your child has some unique characteristics. It's your job to explain to them why - and get their support for their treatment. Be sure to tell them that your child's Asperger's syndrome or autism may cause them difficulties with social and language skills that may be easy for other children.

Have a short list of resources you can point them to if they have questions. First, provide only the bare minimum of details so that the information can be processed at a comfortable price.

Make sure they know that autism is not a “one size fits all.”

As you probably know, children with autism vary depending on their age and where they fall on the autism spectrum. Your friends and family need to be aware of your child's special needs. While one child may flutter his hands or sway, another child may sing or talk nonstop, especially about topics that interest him. Some children can be completely silent. Many children with autism have difficulty with touch or eye contact. Others may still say things that seem offensive but mean no harm. Friends and family must be willing to understand and adapt to your child's challenges.

Emphasize strengths more than challenges

Many ill-informed people believe that a child with autism has little hope of fulfilling their future potential. Of course you know that this is not true. Your family and friends also need to know these facts. Although your natural inclination is not to brag, try mentioning your child's special talents, such as those in athletics, science, art, or music, to those special people in your life. You also need to focus on the positive when dealing with your child.

Explain your child's specific challenges and how friends and family can help

Although some aspects of your child's treatment plan should remain confidential, you may want to share some details so that others can help you care for your child. If your child is sensitive to touch, it's a good idea to explain this to your family and friends beforehand so that they don't get offended if your child doesn't shake the outstretched hand. With such a child, people who are physically demonstrative about their feelings may want to withdraw the hugs. If your child has difficulty making eye contact, explain this to your friends and family so they can provide positive coaching if this is one of their current treatment goals.

Routines are often important for children with autism. If your child is upset when his or her schedule is disrupted, it is important that family and friends know that the child is not being spoiled, but that this behavior is part of his or her autism disability.

These explanations do not mean that your family and friends must give in to your child's every demand. However, this means that they follow the goals of their treatment plan and do not expect more than the child can deliver at that point in their treatment. For example, if a child with autism insults someone, the person may explain to your child how their actions hurt them, but do so in a non-judgmental way. Positive feedback should usually be more than a smile, as children with autism often have difficulty “reading” visual cues. A verbal compliment in addition to a smile may be just what your child needs to reinforce behaviors that will lead them to success.

Explain your child's autism diagnosis to your siblings

Siblings may not understand why your child with autism needs to be treated differently than they are. Children's sense of fairness often leads them to be jealous or feel like you are favoring your child with autism. Although it may be difficult, explain the reasons for the different rules. You may want to point out that their needs are different because they are each unique people.

Above all, set aside time to devote to each of your other children one-on-one, where they are the focus of love and attention. Allow them to voice their concerns without judgment, while still firmly believing that each child has their own needs met. It is just as important to listen to your children's needs and try to meet those of your children without autism as it is to meet those of your child with autism.

Inspired by Paul Napier, MA, BCBA