Suche
Mein Konto
Bulimia Warning Signs - A red flag that indicates bulimia
One of the “tricks” I used as a teenager to hide my bulimic behavior was using my napkin as a “dump” during meals. Yes, you know that common mouth-wiping napkin that you rest your cutlery on when setting the table? Well, this napkin allowed me to deposit food, mostly meat, that I just couldn't chew, from my mouth to the napkin where it would stay until I could leave the table and get rid of it. You see, I developed quite a gag reflex as a teenager. As I recall, it was mostly when...
Bulimia Warning Signs - A red flag that indicates bulimia
One of the “tricks” I used as a teenager to hide my bulimic behavior was using my napkin as a “dump” during meals.
Yes, you know that common mouth-wiping napkin that you rest your cutlery on when setting the table? Well, this napkin allowed me to deposit food, mostly meat, that I just couldn't chew, from my mouth to the napkin where it would stay until I could leave the table and get rid of it.
You see, I developed quite a gag reflex as a teenager. As I recall, it was mostly when I was chewing meat of any kind. If the meat contained even a small piece of gristle or fat, it would make me gag. Of course, gagging at mealtimes is frowned upon and should be. It is not very pleasant for other members sitting at the table to hear this noise. However, it can be a “red flag” to a parent that there may be a problem with eating and needs to be monitored.
Because I didn't want to embarrass myself by gagging at inappropriate times and upset others, I started using my napkin to spit in food if I even remotely thought it would trigger a gag reflex. Then I had to get into the habit of using this trick when I just didn't want to eat what was on my plate. Occasionally, because I was (intentionally) a “clumsy” child at the table, I would even grab a second napkin so I could fill up with two napkins instead of one.
And so the habit developed and evolved into something that allowed me to divert a lot of food from where it was supposed to be. my stomach.
Since one of my chores was cleaning dishes after dinner, it was easy for me to get rid of all the napkins in the trash after dinner. No one ever noticed that I either crushed the napkin in my palm out of sight or set it aside almost under my plate during meals. I got sneaky about how often I used my napkin and everyone either didn't see it or just thought I was using my napkin the way it was meant to be used.
There are many sneaky little behaviors that develop when an eating disorder is hidden. This is just one that I remember being very easy to hide.
Inspired by Michelle Lacroix Toro