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Eating Disorders: Parents Share What They Wished They Had When They Suspected Anorexia
I've spoken to parents over the years who often say, "I wish I had..." There are parents who want others to learn from their experiences. They hope to save other families from having to go through what they did. I thought you might find it helpful to hear what some of them had to say: First, I wish I had trusted myself and my instincts a little more. I wondered if there was even a problem. I suspected things weren't quite right for a while, but I didn't want to face it. Second If…
Eating Disorders: Parents Share What They Wished They Had When They Suspected Anorexia
I've spoken to parents over the years who often say:“I wish I had…”There are parents who want others to learn from their experiences. They hope to save other families from having to go through what they did.
I thought you might find it helpful to hear what some of them had to say:
FirstI wish I had trusted myself and my instincts a little more. I wondered if there was even a problem. I suspected things weren't quite right for a while, but I didn't want to face it.
SecondWhen I confronted the eating disorder, I felt bad for my daughter. She was struggling and I wanted to make everything better. So there were times when I was hesitant about what or when she should eat.
It's the whole thing that I want her to feel "all better" and go along with her argument that she would be better if I left her alone. That wasn't true. She needed me to fight for her.
ThirdI wish I had understood sooner the chaos in her head and how she needed us to take responsibility. It made a difference when we started making her food for her and took away some of her choices.
Advice these parents would give:
• Take responsibility and fight for her even if she can't fight for herself. If she directs her fight at you, don't take it personally.
• Consider this an illness. Do it no differently than if you had to give your diabetic child shots or control what he eats so that he doesn't go into shock or a coma.
• If possible, take turns with the other parent or carer so that you don't always have to be the “bad” parent. This will allow you to go away for a while so you'll be strong again when it's your turn.
• Be on the same page about expectations for your daughter and each other. There's enough fighting going on, don't fight your spouse too.
• Communicate with your spouse and get help for all of you. Family therapy or couples counseling is a great way to deal with all the tension. Also, to help you identify some of the underlying things going on in your home.
Inspired by Lynn A Moore