Libido, love and physical pain

Libido, love and physical pain

Libido is that delightful drive within us to seek physical, emotional and sexual pleasure and orgasmic release. Love nudges us to reach our desired partner. Love helps us feel invincible, as if we can overcome all obstacles and overcome all difficulties. But pain can stop us.

Pain has sometimes been referred to as the 5th sign of life. When we feel pain, especially sharp, stabbing, spasmodic and intense pain, most of us can only focus on one thing - relieving or getting rid of the pain. Every now and then, after an intense sports workout, after an unexpected fall or injury, temporary pain may occur, causing us to avoid sexual intimacy for a short time. And usually our relationship doesn't suffer from such a short break.

But what happens when pain becomes the norm, when our bodies hurt most or even all of the time? What happens when we have difficulty turning our heads, bending our spine or knees, or supporting our body weight with our arms? What happens when severe body pain blocks our desire for sexual relationships?

When our bodies are screaming in pain, the desire for sex is usually not a very high priority. What we want and need is to find a way to ease the pain. Here love and care can help us overcome all obstacles. A loving partner can touch, massage and soothe our aching muscles, joints or general pain.

Pain takes on a life of its own and demands attention and respect. When we honor the pain and look for ways to relieve it, our natural libido can regain its rightful place in our lives. If your body is in pain, DO NOT ignore it and keep trying to please your partner at your own expense. Be open and honest. Talk to your partner. Share your fears and discover together what will help relieve the pain.

Sometimes a warm bath or hot tub helps increase your passion, especially if you share the experience. The warm water and vibrating sensations can help you and your partner experience sensual pleasure.

Move. Sometimes the pain eases as you walk and stretch and circulation flows to the parts of your body that are in pain. Sometimes rest, relaxation and sleep are the best solutions.

If certain physical activities like intercourse are excruciatingly painful, explore some new ways with your partner to find pleasure together. Open communication, a sense of physical and emotional safety, and a relaxing environment (calming music, dim lighting, pleasant scents in the air, soft pillows, warm blankets), as well as loving eye contact, kind words, and gentle touch can help your brain bypass the pain signals. Sexual arousal promotes the release of feel-good hormones and pain-relieving endorphins. Sometimes just one sexual encounter can help temporarily relieve your pain.

Pain is a part of life. It affects all of us at some point, especially as we get older. Pain can be uncomfortable and certainly has the potential to limit our range of activities. But pain does not have to interfere with, block, or preclude the enjoyment of sensual and sexual pleasure. In a loving relationship we can find a way back to pleasure, and sometimes that is the real solution to eliminating the pain.

Inspired by Erica Goodstone, Ph.D.