Dealing with mental illness and a relationship

Dealing with mental illness and a relationship

Quick hand wave about how many people who strive for wellness have pushed away someone they didn't want to hurt or burden because of something going on in their head? Oh, right, you're over there. Well, I know the feeling is pretty common because I hear about it all the time. I understand where you're coming from. I've done it myself in the past. Today I understand that I was wrong for several reasons. There is no reason why we mentally ill people cannot have fulfilling and loving relationships. The way we handle our relationships needs to be different from the typical one.

* But I don't want to hurt the people I love

No matter what you do, the other person will get hurt from time to time. Hurt, pain and misunderstandings are normal parts of a relationship. Navigating the choppy waters and forgiving is what makes a successful relationship. Plus, your partner has a brain of their own. They can decide for themselves whether they feel in over their heads. Admittedly, our challenges are different. All you are doing is changing the flavor of these challenges by pushing them to someone else.

* But how do we do it then?

– The Well Partner – Learn how to identify the symptoms when your partner is not feeling well. Remember that their perception will be distorted. They will say and do things based on what their mind tells them is true. Unfortunately, we often don't realize we're in a bad time until we look back at the smoking ruins and wonder what happened. You have to learn not to take everything your uncomfortable partner says to heart. When they rebalance themselves, it is very likely that their opinion will completely change again. Try to reach an agreement in which you take primary responsibility while your partner is unbalanced.

– The Unwell Partner – Do you trust your significant other? When you do this, you will have a powerful tool to help you find and maintain balance. Help them understand what your indicators are. That way, you have a person you can trust to say, "Hey, are you feeling bad?" instead of trying to figure it out yourself. You must understand that while you are unwell, reality will not be what your brain tells you. Don't make quick decisions and then implement them immediately. Clarify and search for the absolute truth at the core of every perception. Do this long enough and you will do it out of habit.

* Always look for the absolute core truth of perception

One of my favorite metaphors is that of the dark car. You and a friend see a dark car pass. People say “that’s a nice black car.” The other says “No, that’s navy blue.” The absolute core truth is that there is a car. The individual's perception determines whether it is black or dark blue and they react accordingly. Now let’s apply this to a life circumstance.

You're a bipolar man picking up your wife from work. As she leaves, your wife hugs a male colleague. Discomfort can do this in different directions. "She must be cheating, I'll give in to his face" or "I knew she would leave me at some point. I can't handle this shit anymore. It would be better if I was dead so she can be free." "Both trains of thought are based on your perception of the situation.

The absolute truth is that she simply hugged someone. Maybe he had a baby. Maybe someone he loved died. All you have to do is what you saw and how your mind perceives it. Instead of immediately acting on the thoughts of either attacking him or committing suicide; Go back to the core truth and simply ask for it. An uncomfortable thinking process will rarely agree with what reality actually is.

It's not about turning someone you love into your caretaker. It's about tackling the problem together with a cohesive plan and course of action. You will have many opportunities to return this care and understanding later. If you're feeling well, do what you can to ease the burden on your partner so they have time to recover. Your relationship will fail if you cannot let your partner in to understand your illness. To be successful, both parties must learn how to manage a relationship with existing mental illnesses. You can be successful and enjoy a happy relationship.

Inspired by Dennis A Heil