How to resolve self-conflict in patients with eating disorders

How to resolve self-conflict in patients with eating disorders

Eating disorders are rooted in emotional struggles. These struggles are deep emotional conflicts within the sufferer, these are called self-conflicts.

How did the conflicts even start?

This process begins with fantasizing at a very early age. People fantasize about a script, for example, like a Hollywood production that focuses on TV stars or other celebrities. Then they start rehearsing their part. As they go, they either abandon their first part and pick up a new one, or they practice the first part and roleplaying that script until it becomes who they believe they are. Practicing the script automates their behavior and it gets fixed.

For example, a young girl perceived that she was overweight. When she browses magazines, watches television and watches movies, she finds a role model who is slim, polished and glamorous and that image plays in her head. From the same source, she is given a script to follow to achieve such an unattainable look. She rehearses it until it becomes automatic and turns into an eating disorder, anorexia, or bulimia.

Her imprint environment plays an important role in the alternative scripts available to her. If her parents are too strict or indifferent, she cannot develop a positive coping strategy to counteract her developing problems. In some troubled families, being warm and friendly is perceived as embarrassing, so the child becomes cold and distant to compensate.

Self-conflict is a conflict between different “selves” within a person. There are 4 different “selves”:

1. The actual self.

It is the private self. This self is made up of thoughts we wish we hadn't had and actions we wish we hadn't done. It also contains our self-esteem, our attractiveness and our secret ambitions. Eating disorder sufferers may dream of looking like a slim movie star or sports champion, etc. Her/his self-esteem is really proportional to the degree of how similar she/he looks compared to their famous role model that they are trying to emulate.

2. The ideal self.

This self is constructed by culture and society. An ideal self is about living a perfect life, with no flaws and therefore no room for growth.

3. The should self.

This self is about our “shoulds” and “thinkings” that have been learned from our culture and our society, but are not ours. For example, when a swimming coach tells a young girl, “You should lose weight immediately to meet the swimming completion criteria.” At first, the girl was probably fine with who she was and didn't think she needed to lose weight right away. Her swimming coach installs the “should self” in her. Their “ought-to-be self” may come into conflict with their “actual self” after the coach's comments. When she is vulnerable, she develops an eating disorder in order to comply with the weight loss rules set in her head.

4. The Desired Self.

This is a self we believe we could and want to be. This self is particularly evident in young people as they plan for the future. Later in life, this self can be a source of dissatisfaction when desires are not fulfilled. For example, a woman after 30 suddenly develops an eating disorder. This eating disorder is most likely a result of dissatisfaction due to their unfulfilled desires from a previous time (or “desired self”).

What is a solution to resolve these self-conflicts? Emotional healing would be the answer and you can break it down into 5 steps:

1. Recognize that you have emotional conflicts and that these are probably the cause of the eating disorder.

2. Believe that these self-conflicts should and can be resolved.

3. Accept that emotional healing is the only way to resolve these internal conflicts.

4. Go through the emotional healing process.

5. Follow emotional healing strategies to live your life.

Emotional healing is the only answer to resolve self-conflict in patients with eating disorders. If emotional healing does not occur during a particular treatment, there is little hope that this type of treatment will be helpful.

Perhaps in this case the person should look for different alternatives. Mindfulness training appears to be a great emotional healer for these types of ED patients. It is proven that when one is mindful and aware, one can experience true freedom and liberation from all their self-conflicts.

Inspired by Irina Webster